I am tired of the same old same old, tradition, convention, the familiar, politeness, the ordinary existence, being sedated while spoon-fed the same news every day. I am tired of waiting for people to get out of my way. Bowing my head to authority while being anally raped by my own cynicism, paranoia and alienation.

The disappointment of climax has led to everything being low-key, dimmed. Masturbation no longer brings me the solace I need but only allows the bitterness to be flushed away for a few moments.

The conversations and arguments that surround me are only lukewarm, where passion has been replaced by indifference and sublimation. Impulsiveness and impetuosity have been shrouded by a foolish pursuit of wealth, the specialised career, celebrity, consumer goods or a submission to faith, false idols or the media.

I listen to people telling me what I can and cannot say and what I can and cannot eat. Freedom of thought has been replaced by political correctness or something just as crass. “You can’t say that anymore.” (This sentence has been omitted for fear of causing offence).

I realise quickly that only certain things are up for debate. Not everything can be questioned. Survival is therefore the key for most, so why should I stand in the way?

I have the illusion of choice but also a diluted and passive life, a completely artificial existence. These sacrifices I have made antagonise and abate all my nocturnal aberrations.

In an effort to conform to the societal norm I adopt a deadened silence. I use phrases that do not conflict with the way others think. Words must be easily digested, washed down with other people’s expectations.

I open my mouth but the words are empty. I listen to others talking without communicating and loving without knowing if it is what they truly desire.

The lack of community and common courtesy is now becoming apparent. I have a role to play, absorbing ideologies while clinging to a false identity. I am white, black, gay, straight, sick, healthy, attractive, repulsive, fat, thin, young, old, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, atheist, wealthy, poor, workaholic, layabout, student, office worker, celebrity, NOBODY.

A desire to belong is firmly embedded in my psyche. Label me, affiliate then discriminate.

Real life must exist. It must be there.